NO MORE STAYZ

That was the title of the email I got from husband. I suggested a few properties for an upcoming trip, and was promptly rebuffed.Due to a last minute booking over the Easter weekend at a property that was quickly dubbed the drug dealers house with a sex dungeon thanks to a windowless basement room with a single sink and a fussball table, he is now scarred for life.

This is why i like to be organised and planned so that we get the pick of the bunch, rather than the dregs that are overpriced, weirdly designed and frankly a little bit odd. While hilarious, it is horrifying what owners of holiday house rentals think is still acceptable in 2016.

My no go list for holiday house rentals

– floral bedspreads (goes for hotels too)

– fantastic furniture couches

– cane furniture circa 1984

– red leather. It’s offensive

– bunk beds advertised as normal beds for adults. No. For children only. Do not tell me the property sleeps 10 when in reality it has two normal beds and the rest are bunk beds. 

– no linen. Listen, I WILL THROW MONEY at the problem so just tell me upfront how much it will be for you to make it all pretty. Or better yet just include it in the price as a given and be done with it. Who has time to bring linen?? I’m going on holiday so I DON’T need to do laundry. 

– no condiments – come on, just throw in a few of the basics you know i will forget and can go to the supermarket tomorrow but right now i need one thimble of oil.  

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